Doing it all (but not all at once)
They say: “You can’t do it all.”
I say: “You can’t do it all, but you CAN do a lot of things a lot of the time.”
That’s the reality I’ve come to accept as a freelance musician, viola teacher, entrepreneur with The Fearless Artist Mastermind, a wife, and most of all: a mom.
For years I tried to keep every ball in the air: practicing, rehearsing, teaching, being the best parent I could be, and generally being on top of everything in life.
But the truth is, there are never enough hours in the day.
With all-too-high expectations of how each day would play out (and overestimating the number of things I could accomplish each day with little ones underfoot), I became exhausted, stretched too thin, and deflated from a feeling of frustration from being continually behind.
I remember having a mental image of a sand timer. Feeling like I had 15 hours of things I wanted to get done but only 5 actual hours in which to do them. The sand was getting stuck and it felt like trying to run in slow motion to get anything done.
Life as a musician parent is messy. No matter how carefully I plan the day, something can always derail it: kids get sick, naps run short, emotions run high. My plans to squeeze in some scales during naptime might get overridden by realizing we’re out of diapers and remembering I forgot to sign my kids up for swim lessons and…you get the picture. When unexpected things come up it’s so easy for plans to get pushed aside.
For a long time, I thought that not being able to stay on track with everything meant I was failing and falling behind. But I’ve come to realize that I don’t need to do everything at once. Each day I just need to decide which grains of sand matter today.
I can’t be a full-time performer, full-time teacher, full-time entrepreneur, and “super mom” simultaneously. But I can do a lot of performing, a lot of teaching, and a lot of focusing on my kids, just not all at the same moment.
After much trial and error and reflection, here’s what I’ve learned so far:
Work with the ebb and flow, not against it. Some weeks are crazier than others. Assess priorities, allowing for them to change from week to week.
Be flexible for when plans change, when the day doesn’t go as planned.
Let go of the non-essentials. Housework, meal plans, and to-do lists can wait for calmer days.
Release the pressure of trying to stay on top of everything at all times.
Trust that you are doing enough. You’re doing all you can. Over time, you are doing a lot, it just doesn’t happen all in one day, or week.
I’ve learned to be flexible for whatever comes up during the day, reduce expectations of how much I can accomplish in a day, and save my energy for what really matters within each day, each week, and each month. I also have learned to create boundaries around my professional activity (no more ordering diapers during my practice time, and no random lessons outside of my assigned teaching days).
On weeks that are rehearsal-heavy, I’ve learned to let the house get a little messy or push aside the to-do list. On concert days or days when I feel overwhelmed, I’ll skip taking the kids to the zoo and instead stay home to play in order to preserve my energy.
Finding What Works for Me
Recently having emerged from the arrival of baby #3, I finally feel like I have a handle on how to organize my time based on my priorities and know where and how to best manage my energy. What helped me:
Creating more consistency in my schedule.
Guarding my time: being fully present during family time, fully focused during practice or work time, and not overscheduling myself.
Asking for help when I need it - not hesitating to reach out for some extra childcare hours when needed.
Building in lighter days: Fridays are generally “mommy days.”
Trusting my instincts and focusing on my own path instead of worrying what anyone else thinks.
You can’t do it all. None of us can. But you can do a lot of things, a lot of the time. And when you let go of perfection, embrace the ebb and flow, and set your own priorities, you may find that what you’re doing is not only enough, it’s exactly right for this season of life.
And for those days when you’re stretched to tears or buried under expectations, remember this: these days with your little one are fleeting and precious. You are doing an incredible job, even when it doesn’t feel that way. Some days the laundry, the emails, and the endless list of “shoulds” can wait, because the most important thing is being there for your child. That’s more than enough.
How do you find your own balance in the chaos? Do any of these lessons learned resonate with you? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!
