Making Big Decisions: Aligning Values and Priorities
When I was preparing for my first child, I knew that my lifestyle of hopping on trains to perform around France and across Europe would shift. Not because it’s impossible to keep traveling, but because I didn’t want to anymore.
I wanted to root myself locally in Paris, to teach and perform close to home, and to embrace this new season of my life.
Since then, every big decision has come down to the same question:
“Does this choice align with my values and priorities right now?'“
That question has guided me in everything, from taking a longer maternity leave than I planned, to deciding whether or not to audition for an orchestra while six months postpartum, to deciding to move across the Atlantic to the U.S. Even smaller decisions, like saying yes to a gig that would keep me away from my 3-month old for a full day, have become moments to pause and reassess.
The Complexity of Decision-Making as a Musician Parent
Being a musician is not just a job, it’s a lifestyle.
Every decision we make touches every corner of life: where we live, how we spend our time, how we plan our finances and how much energy and space we have left for the people we love.
Add parenthood to that mix, and suddenly every choice grows a dozen extra layers. It’s not just “Do I want to do this gig?” but “Can I do it without sacrificing something essential like rest, sanity, or time with my family?”
There’s a constant push and pull between ambition and practicality. On one side is the part of you that still dreams of big projects and new adventures; all the professional endeavors that make up your career as a musician. On the other side is the reality of family life: sweet baby moments that fly by way too fast, school pickup, doctors appointments, ever-changing developmental milestones, and the fact and the understanding that while you can pursue both career and family, you can’t give everything to both at the same time.
I used to thrive on spontaneity, the excitement of a last-minute call to sub with an orchestra, the rush of jumping on a train to perform somewhere new.
Now, if I get that same last-minute call, my brain immediately runs through a checklist: ‘Do I have childcare? Do I have time to prepare? Will this be worth the disruption?’
It’s not that I don’t love performing anymore, I absolutely do, but the thrill of unpredictability has been replaced with the satisfaction of knowing what’s coming. These days, I value structure and consistency much more than I used to.
Over time, I’ve learned that the best decisions come from aligning three things: values, priorities, and resources.
Three steps to help you make big decisions:
1. Assess your values and priorities.
Ask yourself what matters most right now.
Is it growth, stability, creativity, or time with your family?
When I moved to the U.S., my top priority was family — raising my kids in the environment that felt right for us, near extended family. It meant giving up my beautiful and beloved Parisian lifestyle, but because it aligned with my values, I’ve never looked back.
2. Take stock of your resources.
Do you have the time, energy, support, and finances to make this choice sustainable?
Sometimes the real question isn’t “Can I do this?” but “What would I need to make this possible?” Maybe you are ready to go on a concert tour, and you just need to find childcare or a family member to come along. It’s not easy, but with determination and organization, it’s definitely possible.
3. Evaluate opportunities through that lens.
When your values and resources are clear, every decision becomes less about guilt or fear of missing out, and more about what’s actually right for this stage of life. There’s less fear of judgement from others about your decisions, and more inner peace.
When Priorities Shift:
Our values evolve and that’s a good thing.
Before kids, I wanted variety and change. Now, I crave calm and knowing my schedule well in advance.
The postpartum period, especially for a new parent, can be particularly daunting. Maybe you’ve had your baby and through the midst of postpartum fog you are trying to decide if, when, and how much to go back to teaching, performing, or other professional activities. When going through your values, priorities, and resources, you might find that teaching more in this period suits you better for more predictability in your schedule. Or you might decide the opposite - that teaching leaves you feeling drained, and you’d prefer to instead pursue gigs and concerts while you are at this stage. Or perhaps you decide to stay home to focus on the baby longer and that’s great too. There’s no one right way to go about it.
Every musician parent I know faces similar crossroads, and the truth is that there’s no universal right answer to the big decisions we face, just the answer that fits your values and your reality right now.
And the beauty of it is, none of these choices are final.
You can always reassess when life changes (because it will). Every stage of babyhood and childhood is different, and you may find yourself feeling pulled to spend more time with your child, or at times more like you are pulled towards your work.
You don’t have to chase every opportunity, and you don’t have to give up your dreams, either. You just have to make the choices that make sense for the person you are now, not the one you were five years ago.
Because when your decisions align with your values, what once felt like sacrificing something starts to feel like peace.
Have you faced a big decision lately that made you rethink your priorities?
I’d love to hear how you navigated it in the comments below.
