Why I’m Finally Feeling Like I’ve Got This with Baby #3

They say the third time’s the charm and navigating a portfolio career in music with motherhood? I think they might be right.

I expected the arrival of baby number three to undo the hard work I had to put into balancing music and home life: one step forward, three steps backwards. 

But something surprising happened instead:
This time, I’m not reinventing myself and my systems; I’m simply applying everything I’ve already learned.

“Each child has taught me different lessons, both as a parent and as a person.”

With my first, I learned that everything changes: your time, your energy, your career, your sense of self.

With my second, I learned that balance doesn’t mean equal time for everything — it means knowing what’s most important: that day, that week, that season. 

And now, with my third, I’ve realized that I get to design how my life looks. I get to create a schedule that works for me, instead of trying to squeeze my life into someone else’s expectations. 

The Thing That Prepared Me Most for My Third Kid: My First Two 

With my first child, I was experiencing all the chaos, joy, and exhaustion in our little isolation bubble during the pandemic. While there is nothing harder than new parenthood and figuring everything out for the first time, the challenge of trying to balance a performing career was absent because no concerts were happening due to the pandemic. I was able to be immersed in my job as “mom” (while teaching a bit online and starting the Fearless Artist Mastermind with Michelle!) and it was a gift to be so present for my first baby. 

 After our second was born (still pandemic times), we were moving our lives across the ocean to the States and getting settled in a new place - a colossal job. With family support and the music world up and running again I was able to tackle more performing, teaching, but still often felt an internal discord with how I divided my time and energy.

I had thoughts like, Am I present with my kids enough in a world that moves too fast? Am I playing enough concerts - what if I’m not? 

I was also re-adjusting my changing childcare hours weekly and that alone was exhausting. 

Two kids under four was hard, and it felt like there weren’t enough hours in the day for all my different professional activities, let alone navigating new parenting challenges as my kids grew and changed. Three-nager behavior and preschool challenges sometimes took all my focus and emotional energy. I was exhausted trying to squeeze in bits of work when I felt like my to-do list was overwhelming.

But this time, with baby number three, I’ve had a pleasant surprise: I finally feel like I’ve found my rhythm.

Not because it’s easier with three (it’s not). But because I’ve got these two tools under my belt: confidence and experience. 

So what’s made the difference this time around?

As a parent,

• I’ve got two kids’ worth of experience caring for babies, introducing solids, handling big emotions. 

• I’ve gained so much confidence in my parenting style from experience: empathetic, present, nurturing, while holding firm boundaries. I trust my intuition.

• I’ve already learned how to split my attention between two kids, so another one in the mix is a breeze. (Plus, babies now seem so easy compared to the stages that come afterwards!)

• Nothing can phase me. If something kid-related derails my day, such as an ear infection, or an enormous mess at home right before I head out the door, I will power through because I have seen it all. (Just a PSA for everyone - never wash a disposable diaper in the washing machine.)

Just as my parenting has grown more grounded, so has the way in which I approach my work and my career. The two aren’t separate; they inform each other constantly.

• I’ve created consistency in my schedule wherever possible to give me greater peace (i.e. in booking recurring childcare hours and blocking time for my own work).

• I’ve learned to be fully present in whatever I’m doing - whether I’m rehearsing, teaching, or reading books to my kids. I no longer try to squeeze in admin sessions or computer work while I’m with them.

• I’ve learned how to practice with kids around. And for me that looks like having child care (or my husband) around so I can focus. Plus, putting my blinders on to all the chaos around and running straight to my viola (before I get sidetracked) has been really helpful when I need to get my practice sessions in.

• I’ve found a semblance of balance between professional activity and beloved family time that I cherish.

And of course, it all comes down to one thing: priorities.

Re-Evaluating Priorities (Again)

Having another baby in the mix has meant another round of reevaluating everything in order to be very intentional about how I spend my time:

• Do I want to take that gig that would keep me away for a long day? Does the pay, the hours, the repertoire, the location make sense for me to take it?

• Am I willing to teach the same number of hours I did before? What’s the right teaching schedule for me this year?

• How can I fit enough practice time in my schedule? How do I make it a priority?

• I used to be a night owl but with kids I’m not anymore - how do I organize my own work based on my changed energy levels and availability? (For example I’m currently experimenting writing this blog post at 6am instead of 10pm- so far so good!)
  

Each of those questions forces me to pause and check in with myself:
- In an ideal world, what would this look like?
- What does a realistic expectation look like?
- Looking ahead, what’s one area I could change or experiment with?

These reflections help me to feel grounded while being open to change.

Finding Your Rhythm 

I don’t think “having it all together” is possible — not for any of us parents. It comes with the territory.

But with baby number three, I finally feel like I’ve got a handle on what my version of balance looks like.

It’s a version built on boundaries, intention, and a lot of grace for the days when everything falls apart anyway.

Because the truth is, I’ve learned that I can’t do everything, but I can do a lot.
And the more I align my time with what really matters and am intentional about my schedule, the more fulfillment I experience.

How about you? Your career doesn’t have to look the same as it did pre-kids, or  with your first baby. You don’t have to hold yourself to the expectations you had before you knew what real life with little ones is like. You get to grow, shift, and rebuild your routines in a way that works for this season.

And when your choices reflect who you are now, what once felt overwhelming begins to feel manageable. What used to feel like “falling behind” starts to feel like finding your footing.

Have you discovered something new about yourself in this stage of parenting or of your career?

I’d love to hear what’s helping you find your rhythm in the comments below.